


little shit disturber

by roundandtalented



Series: i have a problem and that problem is domestic erisol [9]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Humanstuck, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, fairly self-indulgent fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 10:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roundandtalented/pseuds/roundandtalented
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“No, Eridan. Pets are a hassle. All they do is eat and shit.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“But <em>kittens</em>, Sol!” </p>
<p>You remain unimpressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	little shit disturber

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [Erin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/solarisirius/pseuds/solarisirius) for the help with a kitten name >u>

“Can we get a pet?”

You look up from your Minecraft, head set on and Karkat screaming in your ears to make the face. The no nonsense, ‘ _haha no_ ’ face is your response. But he whines and smacks his hands on the bedspread like that will change your mind.

“No, Eridan. Pets are a hassle. All they do is eat and shit.”

“But _kittens_ , Sol!” You remain unimpressed. “ They’re really cute an fluffy an I would be less sad when you have to work late because at least I could play with a kitten.” He spins his laptop around in his lap so you can see his screen. There’s that kitten livestream up, and the little balls of fur are running around and playing together and wow, okay, yeah that’s pretty friggin cute. But your point still stands. It would be a hassle.

“And what happens when it grows up in to a grouchy old cat?”

“I will love it the same because it will still have character.”

“It will also shed like crazy and that means more vacuuming.”

“I don’t mind.”

“Yes you do.” You know he would. He bitches about the cleanliness of the condo _now_.

“It would be worth it. For a cat, it would be worth it.”

You slump against your desk across the room. You hate telling him no. You used to love it, because then he’d get all cranky and it would feel like some sort of victory, but now it just feels so much better to say yes and see the way his face lights up. But you can’t with this.

_‘Hey, Sollux, kittens are pretty fucking cute. I have to agree with Eridan on this, you should get a cat.’_

“Fuck off, KK, you won’t have to live with it.”

_‘I would visit more if you had a kitten, just saying.’_

“Wow, you suck.” You hang up the skype call on him and pull off your headphones. Eridan is still sitting there on the bed, legs cross and kitten-cam pointed at you so you can see just how cute they are. He’s not making this easy.

“Eridan, we can’t. We’d have to litter train it, food is a cost, vet bills are a _huge_  cost. This place isn’t exactly ‘kitten proofed’ either.  What if it got out into the hallway or something. What if it got hurt.” You see his face fall at that because you know what he’s thinking. That tumblr gif of the cat jumping out the window and missing its target. The first time he seen it he yelped and started to cry.

“I guess.” He sighs and you feel really really terrible. He had his hopes so high and he really wanted one. You hate saying no to him. But. You have plans. And a kitten would likely get in the way of those plans.

“Babe, I’m sorry.” You close your laptop and join him on the bed, pulling him into your arms for a cuddle. “I know it’s something you wanted.”

“I understand I guess. Doesn’t make me want it any less though.” He nuzzles up against your neck, and wraps his arms around your middle. He doesn’t even say anything to make you feel worse, it just happens. You are an asshole. You are the worst boyfriend. You are a horrible human being. Eridan wanted a kitten and you told him no so you are a monster.

…

You are significantly less of a monster about a week later when Eridan comes running in the door all distressed. The first thing you notices is he doesn’t take off his shoes, he just comes running into the kitchen with his school bag on still and everything, all out of breath.

“Sol, I swear, I didn’t go lookin’ for one, it found me!” He’s got his scarf wrapped up in his arms and there’s snow in his hair still, but he hurries over to you and holds out his bundle. Sure enough, there’s a rather wet looking ball of fur and pink paw pads.

“What the fuck.”

“I know you said no, but it was by the front doors all by itself! Its soakin’ wet, an there’s almost a foot of snow outside.” True. You’d driven in that bullshit to work this morning. The weather has been horrendous for the last few days and you hate having to get out of bed each day.

Eridan slowly unwraps his scarf to reveal what mildly resembles a drowned rat. Black and white fur is all clumped together with melted snow and street dirt. The thing looks like it hasn’t seen a good meal in at least a few days. But then it sneezes, and little yellow eyes crack open to stare up at you and you feel your mouth fall open.

“Oh no, it’s cute.”

“It’s supposed to snow again tonight Sol, we can’t put it back out there.” He starts fussing with its fur, rubbing it dry with his scarf and cooing over it. The little thing has to maybe the size of his hand. You’re not sure you can say no to this.

“What about the shelter.”

“NO!” He looks like you just ruined Christmas for him or something. You don’t know what’s so offensive about- “They’re already so full, and you know the second they heard her sneeze they’d just put her down because they don’t have time for sick animals!” oh.

“How do you know it’s a girl. It’s probably a boy.”

“I bet it’s a girl.”

“Five dollars says it’s a boy.”

“if it’s a girl, you go out and buy kitten food and a litter box.”

You narrow your eyes at him, but, okay. You give in just a little bit. “Just until we find it an actual home, Eridan.”

The kitten is in fact female. Cat food smells disgusting, and after four days of Eridan not looking to find her a new home, you do not like the ball of fur any more than you first did. At least she looks like an actual kitten now, though.

Your boyfriend spends literally every free moment cooing over her. After the first couple nights of hiding under the couch, she’s taken to sleeping on his chest at night. Which makes it incredibly difficult to cuddle him at around 4am. She follows him to the kitchen in the morning, and plays with his fingers while he has his morning tea. He’s completely taken with her, and at this point you don’t think you could bare to separate them because you have never seen that look on his face before. Eridan absolutely adores her. He wasn’t even that mad the first night when she peed on his scarf, that’s how in love with this kitten he is. She seems pretty in love with him too, judging by how she sprawls in his lap while he watches war movies, and cries at the door until he comes home from class.

“Do you think Joan is a good name for her?” He asks you, head on your shoulder and hand clasped in yours that Sunday. The two of you are watching Avengers for what has to be the 50th time. You’d shrug, but that would displace his head and you’re both too comfortable right now.

“Why that name? That’s a people name.”

“A people name.” You can feel the unimpressed look he’s shooting you.

“Yeah. A people name. Joan. Like, Joan from accounting. Joan the Dental Hygienist. You don’t just call a pet a people name. It makes it confusing.”

“But… Joan of Arc.” Oh. His history shtick. You get it.

“Well, try it out on her. See if it fits.” He kisses your neck and nods, his free hand moving to scratch the kitten between her ears as she lazes in his lap. He’d tired her out by playing with her when he first got home and now she’s much more manageable. Cute even.

…

The name fits.

She’s a shit disturber. A trouble maker. She’s a devious little beast and you didn’t think kittens were even capable of plotting until Joan.

She unplugs your laptop, chews on your printer cord, runs away with your socks, and unrolls the entire roll of toilet paper. You’re okay though, you can handle that. There’s another roll, you start closing the door behind you instead of leaving it open. You move her litter box to the laundry room where she’s too small to jump up anywhere and wreck anything. And you put a dab of hot sauce on your cords so she learns her lesson and you’re okay.

But one night, when you’ve had her for roughly two weeks, and you’re in the middle of celebrating Eridan receiving a grade of 90% on an essay, she cracks you.

You don’t hear her come in, you’re too busy pulling Eridan’s jeans over his hips and sucking on his bottom lip. You kiss down his chest, take him into your mouth and smirk as you hear his breath hitch. Fuck, he’s perfect and you love the face he makes, so satisfied as you close your eyes and hollow your cheeks and-

Pap.

Pap-pap.

Claws prickle on your cheek and Eridan snickers. He’s not allowed to snicker when you’ve got his dick in your mouth. There are some things that just don’t go together, and snickers and blowjobs definitely belong on that list. You open your eyes to glare up at him, but instead you’re met with bright yellow eyes with wide black pupils. Joan sniffs your nose, whiskers twitching and nOPE YOU NEED TO BE TAKEN OUT OF THE OVEN BECAUSE YOU ARE _DONE_.

You pop off Eridan just as he tips back onto the bedspread, laughing into his hand.

“Your kitten just cockblocked you and you are _laughing_!”

“She wanted to see what you were doing!” she’s already crawled up onto his chest, tiny paws on his bare collarbone.

“No more kitten. I want sex and she’s in my way!” You scoop her up and she hardly protests. Eridan is whining at you and you almost make it to the door, but then she starts purring. You’re standing there, three feet from the door, in your boxers with halfie, and this kitten is fucking purring at you. You adjust your hold on her, bring her against your chest and she twists, puts herself on her back in your arms and shuts her eyes.

“Oh.”

She holds your keyboard worn fingers between her paws and kneads her toes when you scratch under her chin. You slowly turn around and she puts your fingertip in her mouth to lightly chew on it, still purring loudly. You find yourself sitting back down on the bed, Eridan peering over your shoulder and you’re totally in awe. So, maybe Joan’s really sweet when she’s not being a destructive, intrusive little shit. And maybe she’s not so bad. And maybe you don’t get laid and the two of you just end up watching some Lets Players dick around the rest of the night while Joan snoozes in your arms.

You suppose she actually fits in with the two of you, being a shit disturber and a hassle.

Joan knocks over your Red bull during a raid a few days later, and you’re a lot less mad than you expected you’d be. Eridan gets right offended when she snubs his lap for Karkat’s, though. 


End file.
